Late Night Thoughts |July 21st | 2:30 AM
Its been an absolutely crazy week. I’ve been in the ER for my boyfriend a few times and once for myself as well. I have been having some major back pain again that even Kratom isn’t touching it. Either that, or I am not taking enough or not using the right strain for pain. I have been using white when I think red is for pain. Only problem is, red always puts me to sleep which I cannot do during the day.
On top of that, something always happens when I am trying to work on an article, so I am now backed up again and have to complete 2 articles by tomorrow. I don’t know how I am going to pull that one off. Especially since I am meeting up with my sponsor tomorrow for a few hours to hang out, talk, and go over things. (I have been a horrible sponsee lately. I haven’t been to a meeting since before vacation, and I just, within the past two weeks or so, started contacting her in some way on a regular basis again.) Then after that, my boyfriend asked me to go back to the doctor with him again. That leaves me half a day to get two articles in. That is basically impossible and it is setting me up for failure.
I did go out today when I should have been working, but only for like two hours. It’s been a while since I went out with anyone and hung out. My sponsor asked me if I wanted to go to the mall with her for a little so she could return a crap ton of shoes. I wasn’t going to go but I am glad I did. She’s a very positive person and is great at getting people to loosen up. I definitely enjoyed myself. She even bought me Starbucks and a pair of flip flops. 😍
This week I also had two appointments for my bariatric surgery. I had my first group and my 1 of 5 medical visits that I have to go through once a month as a prerequisite for the actual surgery.
The group scared the crap out of me because it was a list of stuff I couldn’t do or eat any more after the surgery; plus, much more. It was like a nutritional group thing that went over more than just food. Everything started to seem so scary and overwhelming and I started to have second thoughts.
Afterward, I talked to one of my friends and went over my concerns with her (she had the surgery too and looks fabulous) and she made me feel much better.
Then after my appointment today and started to talk to the doctor I started to realize even more that I am doing what’s best for me. Then I talked to another friend who had it done and she reassured me some more. (She looks fabulous as well!)
I was starting to feel alone and scared after that group but I have so much support from more people then I realized and they all really eased my mind quite a bit.
My new quit smoking date is set for August 5th; the day after my 32nd birthday. I have the nicotine gum so I am going give the gum another try.
Well, I’m about ready for bed. I can no longer keep my eyes open very well.
Until Next Time…
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.