Sea Isle City 2018: Day 2
Today was a better day for me. After I vented in my last post, I took a timeout and then went to the beach for a little while. I just say there with my boyfriend and his family and “extended” family. The reason I say “extended” family is because they are all actually just good friends who all met years ago. It’s like a group of 5 families, and they are now three generations in. It turned out to be this big circle of beach chairs that everyone in our group was sitting at. There must have been at least 15 people there, but it felt like so much more. And in the inside of the chairs were two huge lone beach towels laid out. I guess the circle started to form around the chairs and by the time everyone got there it turned into a circle.
I just kept thinking that it must feel amazing to have a group of friends that large. There is always someone there for you. I have never had anything like that. I never had that “group” setting, because none of my friends ever really interacted with one another. So, when I would hang out with a friend, it was always either just us.
In high school, I didn’t care about my friends social status or backgrounds. I hung out with the stoners, preps, nerds, athletes, emos, and every other classification. I think the closest that I came to a group of friends was sitting with the same people at lunch every day… when I actually bothered to go to school that is.
I always watch shows where people have a big group that they hang with and everyone knows everyone, and they all get along great, and they know one another so well… Does it actually happen like that in real life? I mean it must, right? I wonder if it’s like the for everyone and I was somehow left out? I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I dropped out of high school in 10th grade and opted to get my GED instead.
It seems like that is when all of these groups are formed, and then they somehow all stay friends after high school and grow up and watch each other get married and have kids. Then their kids have kids, and all of a sudden it is three generations later and they are still friends, and all their kids are friends, and their grandkids are growing up with their friend’s grandkids.
Okay, I believe that I went off track here. I just started rambling.
Anyway, I just feel like I missed out because seeing all these friends and their families all together in one place just makes me wish I could have experienced something so amazing. That’s all. It didn’t really make me sad or anything. It’s a remarkable thing to witness.
I could probably get along with those people who are in this group if I could just open up a bit, start talking more, and stop hanging out in dark corners all gloomy like. But my social anxiety really restricts what I allow myself to do. Like most people with social anxiety, it’s hard for me to meet new people and start up conversations. Even though I have seen these people every summer for the past five years, I just cannot loosen up and get comfortable with them long enough for me to try to be in their “inner circle.” It’s literally only once a year for seven days that I see my boyfriends “extended” family. My social anxiety gets the best of me.
Other than my sporadic episodes of social anxiety, today has been okay for me. I am looking forward to tomorrow. I may go to the Sea Isle City boardwalk and maybe do some shopping for the boyfriend. I do want to get to the beach tomorrow too. Perhaps I can convince him to go with just him and me. Spend some one-on-one time together at the beach so that I can use it as an opportunity to take some more pictures.
Until Next Time…
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.