Late Night Thoughts: June 12th, 2018

It’s almost 10:30 at night and I am just laying in bed thinking about anything and everything.

Life is funny sometimes I suppose. I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. It doesn’t matter how great or bad something is because there is always some mysterious plan laid out for you, but because of free will you choose which path you take.

As an example, something as small as me needing some ibuprofen and not having any; I choose to go with my best friend the other day and while we were out she ended up getting 5 bottles of ibuprofen for free. I had a major toothache and was extremely grateful when she handed me one bottle of the pain reliever. I was depressed and fought with myself about whether or not I should go. But I took a chance and two good things happened. One being the ibuprofen and the other being that I got to get out of my thoughts for a bit and spend time with the bestie.

By that mini example, all I mean to show you is that things really do happen for a reason no matter how bad things may seem. You may not be able to see what the reasoning behind going through a bad day or a horrible, traumatic event is until a day, a week, or even a decade afterward.

I have had my fair share of bad things happen to me, but no matter how much I’ve wanted to give up, I always somehow manage to pull through. Even in my darkest hour, I have found a way to survive. So I know if I can do it, so can others too.

I have to try to keep in mind myself that things happen for a reason when I am going through the motions. It’s not an easy thing to do all the time. Every single one of us just has to try to live life on life’s terms one day at a time.

On a different note…

It’s that time of year when I am going to be leaving for vacation shortly. We leave Saturday the 16th. It’s only like a three hour drive but the drive still sucks. I’m excited and anxious at the same time. It’s a change of scenery and it is the beach but… I put on some weight from last year, the sun and heat are killer with my psych meds, I’m gonna miss my badass cat, and I have to try to make it through another vacation sober.

I have to try to stop myself from projecting what I think will happen and… try to take it one day at a time. I am worrying about things that have yet to come that I technically don’t even need to worry about. But I am a worrier. That’s just what I do. It’s not like I like worrying about every little thing, it just seems to get lodged deep in my mind.

Once I get something stuck in my head I play it over and over. I over analyze it. I obsess over it. I play out every possible outcome. I worry about it. And then I start all over again.

Well, my meds are starting to kick in and make me tired.

Until Next Time…

Samantha 💕