One Moment At A Time
I must admit, I am feeling better than I was the other day. But I am still not 100 percent, yet. I know that moment is coming soon (I hope) since I have been rapid cycling like crazy. I just have to get through each day and hold on to those moments where I am feeling good or even those moments I am just feeling okay. And I know that I have to do this one moment at a time.
Some people say that bipolar depression is worse than any other type of depression out there. But I am not so sure about that because, after all, depression is still depression and it can still hurt the same. Just a random thought.
I still have moments where I feel like I am an inconvenience to people and it’s not the best feeling in the world. I just have to keep telling myself that I am not, and that people love and care about me. Lately, people have been making the effort to be kind and to say I love you, and tell me that they care. And right now, I really need that.
I will carry this nasty gash on my arm for the rest of my life because I didn’t want to fully let people in and because I didn’t want to admit to how low I had sunk. I mean, I have no problems telling group of strangers how I feel but when it comes to my loved ones I can let them know that yes, in fact, I am depressed. But I hold on to exactly how bad it is.
I am so grateful that I am not as bad as I was like week. That felt like a nightmare. I felt so helpless and hopeless and powerless over my own life. I decided to open up to a few trusted people about how bad it was and I am glad I finally made that decision because they would have never known that I was suffering so much.
I really appreciate the kind comments and support I got from of my followers on here and on Facebook. It really meant a lot to me and you know who you guys are.
On a more positive note, I am back to writing for just BabyGaga and I honestly love it because now I don’t feel so overwhelmed. I can’t lie, at first, I felt like a total failure for not being able to keep up with all those sites. But I had to realize, after beating myself up, that I am only human and that I have a disadvantage compared to the “normies” since I am bipolar and also have adult ADD. I can only do so much if I want to keep my sanity. I tried my best. At least I still have BG.
And the good news for me and everyone I know who I got hired at BG is that out word count was reduced after being ridiculous raise so I am going to be able to to back to.doing one article a day.
Until next time…
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.