Dawn’s Story: The Dragon Within Me
I would like to welcome a guest post from Dawn, a fellow follower. She was brave and decided to share her story with us. Remeber to like her post and to leave her some comments. Let’s show her and show her some love. ♥ Here is Dawn’s Story:
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in 2003. I wasn’t expecting to hear that diagnoses since I had just gone in to see a Psych. Doc to get back on some depression medication. Eight years prior I was diagnosed with chronic depression. So needless to say, I was seeing red and I stood up and chewed out this tiny Indian Doctor whom I had never met, stating that he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about after spending time with me for only 20 minutes. I knew people with bipolar disorder and that I had never even had a manic moment in my whole life. After my rant, I sat back down again and this doctor never even flinched or moved or changed his facial expression. He only proceeded to tell me that I had just what they call a manic rage and I should go home and research bipolar disorder. Then he handed me a prescription and said come back in a month.
So okay, after researching I could see his point. On one hand I was happy to finally know what was wrong with me, but on the other hand…Why this?
Having bipolar disorder is challenging. I have had to learn different triggers, red flags, dealing with medications in what works what doesn’t, But the biggest challenge of all is avoiding all stress as much as possible! Stress is my number one offender. Period. It will mess me up right now!
With all that being said, with hard work and devotion to helping myself get healthy and maintain stability with this disorder, I had to also listen to my doctors, go to counseling,
go to my support groups, eat right, plenty of rest, exercise, and take my meds correctly. And it all paid off eventually, I was stable for almost eight years. I felt so good I sometimes questioned if I was even bi-polar.
Well, about two years ago all that changed again. The dragon within me was awoken. It was all over, sadly. Stress I firmly believe was the biggest trigger. My life was in complete turmoil. I ended up with lung disorder two years prior, but with life-changing happenings and limitations, all had their part in the building stress. I ended up taking a job as a PT cashier at a local grocery store. Long story short, I do not do well in places like this. The energy in places like this is too negative. I go into sensory overload. and the whole nicey-nicey thing I’m expected to perform doesn’t work for me. Instead, I gave back instant karma. So, if the customer was rude to me, I was rude back. This job was not a good match for me, I lasted there for two years though until I landed my current job now that started in July of 2017. My job now is working alone in a locked kitchen at an Assisted Living facility as a cook. I can get out but anyone else needs a code to get in… perfect right? Almost.
My life was almost back to paradise until back in January 2018. This new cook they hired is a narcissist jerk. I was doing my best to only talk to him to only communicate information. But, keeping quiet like I was is also a form of “Stress” and eventually once again the dragon reared her ugly head. One day toward the end of my shift, he came in to start his shift and provoked an argument with me. Big mistake. Without going into all the gory details of me losing my shit, I almost got fired. Not to mention my supervisors revised the workplace violence policy.
I now know, looking back on everything that my bipolar disorder has progressed. I have been experiencing rapid cycling on and off and mixed episodes.
Now that I have recognized how my illness has been affecting me, I can work on getting back to stability. My main goal here is to take care of my self to best of my ability and avoid stress as much as possible. 🙂
Categories: Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Mental Health, Stories & Experiences