Time Has Been Flying By
I feel like I am always apologizing for not being able to keep up lately with blogging. But time has really been flying right on by me and sometimes I don’t even know how. I have really been trying to make some changes, and I am happier and more stable than I have been in a while. I am hoping that it’s not just another manic episode since I have been rapid cycling. And this time I don’t think it is. However, after tomorrow, I may be a bit crabby for a little while because my boyfriend and I have both decided to try to quit smoking cigarettes 🚭. I had my PCP order nicotine gum for me and tomorrow is our quit date So, when I wake up in the morning, instead of smoking a cigarette I will be chewing gum.
Every time I try to quit I get extremely nasty to the point where people tell me to start smoking again. Lucky, I have my vape and I am hoping that will help ease the irritability a bit. Well, for Mike’s sake I am hoping it will ease it 🤣. He has never tried to quit since we have been together, so I have no idea how he will get. He said he once quit for six months and just slept all the time for like the first two weeks. I, on the other hand, cannot sleep all the time because I still have to write and try to function.
I am really hoping that this will be my final attempt before I quit for good. I am on a personal journey to try and be a healthier woman. I am still watching what I eat and getting in some exercise. Since I have quit drinking, I am hoping that I can quit smoking. On May 27, 2018, I will be 9 months sober. This is the longest I have ever gone without drinking since I started when I was 14-years-old, and I will be 32 in August. Wow, I am definitely feeling old right now 😆.
I have also talked to my family doctor (PCP) and discussed going for the weight loss surgery. I decided that I want to go for it. Now, I just have to make sure that I am a good candidate for it. My doctor said that I meet the BMI requirements and I do have some medical complications like sleep apnea and chronic back pain which mean that I also met the medical complications portion of it too. My doctor was happy for me and happy with the changes I have been making.
Usually, when I make changes it’s because I am in a manic state, the changes only last for as long as the episode and then I typically give up. So far, I have been up and down and still stuck with these changes – which for me, is a good sign.
I know I have to get cleared by my mental health team before I can get the surgery, my PCP already cleared me, but now I have to see a cardiologist because of my Holter monitor results and get cleared by him/her. I go to the cardiologist for the first time on May 24th.
My Holter results really weren’t that bad. My average heart rate was at 87 bpm which was good. My highest was at 158 bpm (which was way better than the 186) and my lowest was really low – 36 bpm. I am not sure if that was on day one or day two of the test but it was at 4 PM. Which is odd because I was awake – both days – at that time. I really don’t nap that much. So, for some reason, my heart rate really dropped for no reason. I hope they don’t send me for a stress test. I heard those are long and annoying. I am hoping that everything will be okay and that I will be able to get this surgery.
Despite the misconception that some people have about weight loss surgery being the easy way out, I can assure you it will not be easy. I will have a long road ahead of me if I get it. Since I was in my early 20’s, I have only been able to lose so much weight before I get stuck. I am really tired of being the “fat” one. I am going to bust my ass and hope for the best.
Tomorrow I go for the information day on the weight loss surgery, so I am kind of nervous because this is where they sign me up for the actual eval and check my BMI plus go over all the different types of surgeries there are. Wish me luck!
Thanks for reading!
Until Next Time…
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.