I’m On A Mini-Mental Health Break
I’m On A Mini-Mental Health Break 💝
I apologize for not posting anything recently. I had been in a bit a depressive episode, which has hopefully finally come to an end. I have been feeling great these past two days. I even managed to get out for a nice walk with my boyfriend today.
I was so low and I felt like no one understood how I was feeling no matter how hard I tried to explain myself. I just wanted to give up (again). I skipped on meetings, missed yet another therapy session. I hardly even left the house. Then Sunday night when my boyfriend came to check in our bedroom to check on me he gave me a hug, which I really needed, and then talked with me until 4 am–which I also really needed.
The next day, I drank a cup of coffee and finally decided to get my rear end in the shower. I felt so much better almost immediately. You know how depressive episodes can go… you just don’t want to do anything. Afterward, I started cleaning up a bit–which I have been seriously slacking on.
Saturday night, I had emailed two of my editors–only two because I basically had to give up on one site because I just couldn’t do three anymore, which makes me feel horrible because I feel like in some way that I have failed myself–and I asked if I could postpone my articles by a few days. One editor got back to me the next day saying that it was fine, while the other one never answered me back regarding that matter.
I had decided to take a mini-mental health break because I was literally driving myself crazy while trying to do so much. I couldn’t handle it and took too much on, especially feeling the way that I had been feeling. This was much needed! It took me until today, with help from my dad, to finish an article that was due Friday. I felt accomplished, even with help because I knew I needed it when I was finally able to get pics for that article and submit it.
I started working on another overdue article today and am happy with the progress I have made. I had some serious writer’s block! I couldn’t even post anything on here. At least this time I was able to journal about my feelings. Sometimes when I get depressed I can’t even journal.
I need to keep in mind that it doesn’t matter who I lost in life because what matters is who I still have and that they all really do love me. I wanted to contact my mom so bad over the weekend. Then when I woke up Monday morning, I asked myself why. Why? Because she is the women that stole one of the loves of my life when I would have been able to eventually keep him in the end. But whatever, that’s fine. She apparently needed him more than I did. She is the one who never told me that our family dog got put down.
She was the one that cast me out without a word. Without letting me defend myself and what I believed in and why I was making the choice that I was making. Maybe I would have stayed there had she not been so cold the last few weeks that I was there. She talked shit about me while I was in the room and could clearly hear her. This is why it has never been a good idea for me to live with her. We were always okay as long as I wasn’t under her roof. I am an adult. I have the choice to do what I want in my life. It doesn’t matter if that choice was right or wrong. It’s just a shame that she couldn’t be like, “I don’t support what you’re doing technically, but I still love you.”
My best friend, my dad and his family, my other sister, and a few other people all said that they will still love me in the end. They kept true to their word. That’s all I wanted from my mom and my siblings was for them to say, “I don’t like what you’re doing, but I still LOVE YOU.” When I am stable, I am able to see that in a loving family would have never cast another member out so easy. I get it, they are most likely better off without me. My mom will die one day, and they will probably never tell me.
I can at least say that when it comes down to it, that despite what they did to me or what I did to them, I still love them.
Thanks for reading!
Until next time…
Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Family, Mental Health, Our Personal Blog, Samantha Steiner, Samantha's Personal Blog
Samantha View All
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.
🧡 you’re just bad arse, it takes a strong person to write what you write! You’re truly inspiring me and so many others x
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Aww thank you so much. You just made my day! 💙
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I hope you get some rest, Samantha xx If you need a boost, there are new encouraging comments here for you: https://whenwomeninspire.com/2018/03/23/7-months-sober/
Thank you so much Christy 😊 I am actually going to check them out right now! Thanks a bunch!
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