Lucky me, I have received my third concussion—at least as far as I can remember—within two years. This is definitely the worst it has ever been. It is not only affecting my thinking, causing physical nuisances, but it has greatly affected my mood. I am not really going to get into how it happened, but it happened. 🤐
Mood-wise, I was feeling very good and positive—maybe even slightly manic. Now, it’s as if I am lacking my own personality and everything that makes me, well… me. I am a bit on the lower end of the spectrum, but not exactly depressed. It’s as if I feel almost nothing. I don’t know how it is possible to feel slightly down, yet feel empty 😐—but it is apparently.
I’ll cry, 😢 but yet not feel unhappy. I just don’t get it. I hit my head pretty hard and on a concrete floor. Well, basically concrete. There was some very thin carpeting and under that is solid concrete.
I feel completely fuzzy and forgetful. It is hard to write, recall words, memories, explain things when I am talking, ugh, at times it’s like I don’t even know what my own damn name is. I have to like, sound it out inside my head and think if I am even attempting to say ‘Sa-man-tha’ right. While I may feel empty or blank, it is still very frustrating for me.
I have outlines due and a new article to write for a site that I just got hired for. I don’t really want to explain to my brand new editor that I am too dumb to write at the moment. 😨 So, I was at least able to get an extension by just saying that I have an appointment with a concussion specialist—which I really did. I just didn’t go into full detail. Even writing this is hard and it is something so simple just because I am stating what I feel and how I am doing. 😭
On top of the emotional issues, I have plenty of physical annoyances to go along with it 🤕— Nausea, dizziness, blurred and double vision. I feel like I have motion sickness that just will not subside, and I get so drained and fatigued so easily. I just want to sleep most of the time. That is something I haven’t wanted to do in a long, long time. I feel slow and bogged down. Sound and light further irritate my constant headache that sometimes sends shooting pains throughout my head.
I would not wish these feelings on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. This happened Tuesday around 1 am. At the concussion specialist, I was given two weeks to try to feel better on my own and after that, I have to go to therapy for it. It just sucks. And it all happened when everything was going perfectly well. 😒
Thanks for reading my rants!
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.