I am so proud of myself. On March 27, 2018, I was officially 7 months sober. That is a major accomplishment for me. I haven’t gone without drinking for 7 months since before I started drinking in the first place; when I was just 14-years-old. I am now 31. That means I have been drinking for 17 years already without this much of a gap. I know I recently wrote a poem titled “7 Months Sober” but now it is official!
I was able to get my 7-month coin today when I went to a meeting with my sponsor! Which I have actually just returned from almost an hour ago. After today’s meeting, I realized that it’s okay if people don’t understand why am doing this. I would get smashed roughly 2-3 times a week and come home hysterical and all hell would break loose, which not many people got to see unless that anger and craziness was aimed toward them, or if it was someone I was trying to lean on to get them to help calm me down. Which, at that point, no one was able to calm me down usually. I am able to admit it now that I severely put my boyfriend, my family, and loved through hell the last couple months, or maybe even years, of me drinking.
I would have had a year sober on April 14 of this year, but I replaced really bad in August of 2017. The aftermath was serious. I don’t care who antagonized my episode, I should have never have gotten that bad. Had I been sober, I would have been able to handle things better, and I would have never tried to kill myself (which not many people are aware of the fact that I had even attempted anything that night) but I woke up very sad the next day (sad to be alive and sad that it happened) and had to face the people that I hurt as well as feeling completely ashamed of myself and my actions.
Today, after a mental break down on Christmas night (I was still sober at least), I am glad to be alive. I am glad I made it through. I have never been better off and happier than I am today. Yes, I still get periods of feeling low, after all, I am still bipolar. But the lows are not as severe or even close to as bad as they once were.
For a long time I felt guilty for my relapse, but now I know and feel that it was actually a good thing. It showed me that I never, ever want to go through that again. I am actually happy I am alcohol-free and in recovery, and that I have an amazing sponsor and friend who is there for me and my recovery every step of the way. She even is willing to meet up with me when I go on vacation in June to help me cope while everyone else is partying, drinking, and just getting messed up.
At first, I felt like it was a forced recovery and now I know it’s for the best and it’s what I need. I plan to stay away from consuming the stuff myself, and I just have to do it…
One Day At A Time.
Thanks for reading!
♥ 😀 ♥
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.