Becoming a writer has forced me to explore feelings and emotions that I have locked away many years ago. I didn’t have an easy childhood. I had so many bad things that happened to me as a child that it became normal to me, but I knew deep down, there had to be more to life. I used to get so upset and wonder why all of these things would happen to me. Everyone would tell me, “Don’t worry one day it will get better.” It felt like a lie because it seemed that day would never come.
My life has changed so much lately and the day has finally come where things are better. I was so accustomed to being hurt and living through the pain. Now that part of my life is over and my life doesn’t feel normal. I’m beyond happy that I no longer have to live that way, but in the back of my mind, I always feel like something bad is going to happen because that’s what I was used to.
Sometimes I feel like no one really knows the real me because I never really told anyone about all of the things I’ve been through. I keep them as little dark secrets that I’ll never tell anyone because I’m afraid of how people will view me. I feel like people will feel like I’m a terrible person, even though the things that happened weren’t my fault. If there’s anyone who knows me the best it’s Samantha. The next person would be my boyfriend, but I feel like I’ll never be able to tell him everything. I wouldn’t want him to look at me differently.
I had a teacher many years ago in elementary school who adored my brother and I. We still talk to her all these years later. It’s like she knew we were hurting, but she also saw so much more in us. She never gave up on us; no matter how bad things got. She has the biggest heart and is one of the greatest people I’ll ever know. When you have someone in your life like this, never let them go.
I’m always helping everyone, maybe subconsciously, I try to save others since I wasn’t able to save myself. My heart is pure, but my soul is forever tainted.
Thanks for reading,