The Masks We Wear


We all wear masks at times, but some of us more than others. Just how many masks can a person wear? I suppose that all depends on the severity of one’s mental status. How do we know when the final mask has come off? Is there really any normality for us? In other words, can we distinguish what’s real and what isn’t?

I myself have certain masks I wear, but when I think I have taken them all off, is it really me, or is that just another mask?

Sunday morning I get up early and drive to church, before I ever get out of my car I put on my church mask, this is a happy, and friendly face, an I want to be your friend face, one that tells people it’s ok to approach me, shake my hand, and converse with me. I will admit, that while I am wearing that mask It does seem to feel pretty good, but at the same time knowing that it’s not really me under there….or is it? I don’t know.

I have another mask I wear when I am alone. This one is a much sadder face, one that seems to do a lot of staring into the darkness of my own mind, one filled with many tears but none that will fall, they just build up inside and flood my soul. This is the mask that the public never sees, and it is the most painful of all of them. This is also the one that feels completely imprisoned in the darkest corners of my mind, a place nobody can reach, as a matter of fact, nobody ever knows when I am there. There is a sick side of me that enjoys being there sometimes, but I guess that’s the me that maybe believes it’s who I am, and where I belong. This is a very powerful mask. Because once I put it on it is so very hard to take it off.

I have an angry mask, but I only wear that one on special occasions. I don’t much care for that one, it is a very hateful mask. Whenever I put this one on I become so enraged that I begin to fear my own self, and what I may be capable of. I have almost mastered the ability to keep this one away, but the fact is, I know it’s still there, and it can come out unexpectedly.

Well, as I write this I am getting ready to put my sleepy night mask on so that I can maybe forget about life and drift off to who knows where. But here is where the problem is, I don’t know if this is really a mask or if this is the real me finally putting away everything my waking minds sees and hears and going to sleep for the night. Anyways, me or not me it’s time, but one last idea before I am off, if ever you should see me somewhere in the world, and I am wearing a smile, know then that you are looking at a very clever mask.

Gary

 

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Categories: Gary Bassler, Gary's Personal Blog, Mental Health, Other, Our Personal Blog, Stories & Experiences

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