This is going to be a super quick post. I just needed to take a second and vent (because I really have to get back to my article lol). I feel like everyone around me, well maybe not everyone, but a decent handful of people at the least, expect me to stay silent about so much. I cannot say what I want to, or even what I need to say to the certain person or persons in my life due to certain circumstances right now. I know that if I lose my temper now, there will be repercussions. I have to try my hardest to bite my tongue, and that is proving to be quite difficult.
Every little thing is just building and building, and piling and piling on top of each other. I literally feel like I am going to scream, or like I already am but nobody is even paying any attention. I have been, and am being F-ed over by a person(s) who’s ego is hyper-inflated and that they have to feel like they have won like they are so much better than me. Feeling like that, about this specific person or persons, is seriously making the song, “I Hate Everything About You.” play on repeat inside my head.
Because seriously, I just want to scream in this persons face, ask them WTF is wrong with them, then tell them that I hate everything about them and that I honestly have no clue why I even love them, anymore. I do so much to help others and like, someone did something really nice for me, and then stabbed me in the back and twisted the knife.
Seriously though, I really do hate everything about you. As much as I hate you though, I feel obligated to love you. Even my own therapist is telling me that there should be no obligations on my part after divulging my entire life story to this therapist over the course of a few years. It still seems like, at every appointment, she digs something else up that I had no clue I even had locked away in a memory somewhere rooted in the depths of my mind.
It’s only a matter of time before I am able to stop crying and start talking. At least I hope so. To any new followers who are expecting nothing but articles, I apologize. This blog is still going to have a personal aspect for me because it is my sanctuary where I feel I able to open up the most, and honestly not care what anyone else thinks of me. However, that is why I have divided sections within this site for personal entries from myself, or Jazmine and Crystal should they choose to ever make they’re own personal, real life, look-what’s-going-on entry. I feel people should have the right to be able to write what the want, whenever they want, however, they want. Writing is my coping mechanism.
So to that person that has me to the point where I know, I cannot speak up about anything right now: sooner or later everyone reaches their boiling point. Yes, I still hate everything about you.