So, I did end up getting paid. Babygaga is a legit company, however, I still have no cash in hand. I’m stuck waiting for PayPal to transfer it to my bank, and then floor my bank to release it to me. I’m a highly impatient person, and I’ve been workout real income since March so I really, really needed this money ASAP. I know I’ve waited this long, so what’s one more day. Logically, that makes so much sense, but I’m not always a logic person.
I wish I could just go to bed but I can’t. I’m exhausted but my mind is running on overdrive. I even had an article due today that I pushed off until tomorrow because I may keep feeling really anxious and agitated so much to the point that I couldn’t even really work on it. I hate doing this, but I asked my editor for an extension and she said it wasn’t a problem. I was too distraught to be able to focus on doing much of anything today.
I hate the feelings of agitation and anxiety, especially when they are piled on together. I hate having to just sit with these feelings and not be able to do anything with them, or have like a glass or two of wine and just relax.
I still hate the fact that my boyfriend won’t compromise with me when it comes to alcohol. It’s honestly no longer my choice to stay sober. If I drink my boyfriend said that’s it, we would be over. And I do love him so I’m going to try to deal with it, but I’m nowhere near happy about this and I feel like he’s treating me like a little kid and not the 31-year-old woman I am. Relationships are supposed to be about compromise but, regarding alcohol, this is not something he is willing to do.
I’ll admit, some things have gotten better in my life since I stopped drinking, however other things feel like they got so much worse. For an example; if I wouldn’t have stopped drinking I most likely wouldn’t be writing articles for Babygaga right now. Then again, if I would be able to drink, I would have something to help with my physical pain, I had longer periods of stability, and I was more social.
I should really be working on my article but for some reason, I am procrastinating. Actually, I should probably try to get some sleep. My mind still does not want to shut down though. I hate that at night it wants to run wild when the rest of the world is asleep except for third shift workers and other insomniacs.