Venting Session: June 29, 2017 (2:15 am)

It had been brought up to be today that I am really not bipolar because apparently everyone is bipolar. Someone who has known me since I was a teenager, that I thought knew me pretty well, basically told me that I was making excuses and that there is unquestionably nothing wrong with me. 

This is NOT something that you should say to someone to who currently feeling pretty under the weather, doubting themselves, and generally feeling highly unstable mentally. I had confided in this person not too long ago that I had tried to kill myself and they said to basically knock that s**it off and that they would always be there to talk. 

I was under the impression that this person understood mental illness given the fact that they care for individuals with mental illnesses for a living, just like I had for so many years… probably way too many years. For me, it was like the crazy leading the crazy.

How can a person judge what is going on inside of another person’s head? Mental illness is not something that can be physically seen or heard. It is not a condition that can be monitored with one of the five senses, which is why mental health stigma is so high. At least, in my own opinions. People crave things they can physically see or feel. Whereas with mental illness, you have to go by what the person is verbally telling you.

I don’t get how you can know a person for so long, without actually knowing a single thing about them! This person is aware of all the psychiatric stays I have been through. My drug & alcohol history. Yet, they still think I am faking a mental illness?

Who would want to purposely want to deal with this s*it? To give up their job, their income, their car. To basically give up their freedom.

No. This person does not know me at all. When I tried to finally stand up for myself and ask them why the hell they would think something like that about me, and I tried to explain that there is a lot of information I have not disclosed about myself, but that I would be willing to talk about if they were interested. They actually asked me why I was bothering them? I wanted to slap this person so bad. Yeah, I can really talk to you anytime I need right?

Seriously? YOU contact ME, and then ask ME me why I was bothering YOU? 

You obviously have a long way to come with mental illness awareness and it’s sufferers. Why would anyone want to put themselves through the horrible and screwed up things that their own mind can create. I don’t choose to keep my mind this way. 

Thanks for letting me vent!

-Samantha ♥