Sea Isle City 2017: Day 5 (Wednesday)
I am absolutely mentally exhausted. On top of my normal 6 articles a week, I had to do an extra 2 more due to another writer having an emergency. These articles should have been so simple, but they were in a new format and style for me, so I had to learn something brand new and from scratch which took up a lot of time.
I feel like my entire vacation has been wasted. I tried to explain that I am on vacation to the girl that assigns the articles because originally they asked me to write anywhere from an extra 5 to 7 more articles within a 5-6 hour time span. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they weren’t my normal 2200+ word articles I am used to doing, but they were still time-consuming either way.
If I would have been at home, in my own workspace, it would have been fine. But I feel like I am ruining my boyfriend’s vacation but I just have not been doing much of anything besides writing. He even told me today that he just wants to go home, and I can’t help but feel like it is partially my fault.
Writing is what keeps me sober though, and semi-sane, although it is starting to get a bit overwhelming right now, however, that is because I would actually like to get to the beach at least once while I am here. Isolating is starting to get to me a little. I know that I should probably socialize some, but I am not a very social creature anymore. Alcohol was what fueled my social interactions. Without it, I feel like I can’t really like a normal human being around people that I am not relatively close to.
I would also like to add some more content to my blog, but I am pretty sure that is going to have to wait until I get back to my home state in a few days before I will be able to that.
I didn’t get a chance to post anything on here because my mind was pretty preoccupied. I had an article that was due, of course, and then there was a family matter that kind of messed with my mental state a bit. It’s amazing what things can affect a person’s mental wellbeing and what doesn’t.
When I found out my aunt passed away, from alcohol nonetheless, I wasn’t really depressed, although I felt kind of bad and could only describe my emotional state with the word surreal. However, recently finding out that she had passed away weeks before we were even informed, well that… that affected me for some reason. I didn’t want to admit it to anyone, but it actually kind of upset me.
My mom and I were told Friday, June 17th, that she had died and now are finding out that she has actually been dead for almost a month now. It’s very sad that someone could be gone that long and no one even takes notice. I know I have mentioned it before, but just to clarify, we weren’t very close. Regardless, it’s still distressing. I wish I would have been able to get to know her better, but unfortunately, The Bottle Took Her, and I am sure she won’t be the last person in my family that the bottle will take.
What’s even sadder, is that besides my mom, her other siblings could seem to care less about her untimely demise as far as I am aware of. I know they didn’t get along, but that is, was, still their sister. I guess it is what it is, and how they see things is out of my control. My family is so divided that obviously, a relative could pass on, and no one would ever know, and to some, no one would even care.
I am the bipolar one of the family, I am supposedly the crazy one of the family, but yet apparently, I can still put differences aside and say that even though I wasn’t close with someone, a life lost is still a shame. Or maybe I am looking at this from the wrong perspective. Maybe because I am the bipolar one of the family, that is why I can put my differences to the side. Either way, I can say that my aunt will be missed.
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.